Below is a
problem solution essay that achieved a band score of 9. I have also included an
examiner’s report to help you understand how this candidate achieved the top
band score.
It is becoming
increasingly popular for people to travel to tourist destinations during public
holidays.
What problems
does this cause? What solutions
are there to these problems?
Answer
More and more of us go to tourist hot spots when there is a national holiday. This essay will suggest that the biggest problem this causes is litter and submit providing extra bins as the best solution, followed by a reasoned conclusion.
The primary
drawback of so many people visiting the same place at the same time is the
dropping of packaging, plastic bags, bottles and even human waste in public
areas. There are simply not enough places to dispose of rubbish properly and
this often leads to people dumping it wherever they like. This results in
public places becoming unsightly, unhygienic, and smelly and even results in
the destruction of public property. For example, Thanh Nien News in Vietnam
recently reported that during the week-long holiday in May 2015, the beach
resort of Vung Tau was swamped with more tourists than it could cope with and
this resulted in the parks and beaches quickly becoming covered in filth.
A viable
solution to this issue could be the use of more waste disposal facilities
during peak periods. Extra places to dispose of waste could be deployed so that
there are always options for people who need them and it could also be made
clear where waste should be brought. For instance, at large events such as
Glastonbury Festival in the UK, thousands of extra bins are installed in the
adjacent town to cope with the extra refuse.
To conclude,
the major issue with too many holidaymakers is people leaving waste behind and
a possible way to solve this is to deploy extra receptacles. (260 words)
Examiner’s Report
Task Response
This candidate
has satisfied all parts of the question. They have fully answered the question
by having a clear problem in paragraph 2 and a clear and relevant solution in
paragraph 3.
They have also
fully developed their main ideas. In the second paragraph the candidate has not
only explained what their main point means but also stated the result of the
problem. They have also provided a relevant and specific example to support
their main point.
The solution
is also fully developed by explaining how extra bins help solve the problem and
again given a very relevant example to support this idea.
Finally, their
position was made clear in both the introduction and conclusion helping them
achieve a very high band score.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a
very clear paragraph structure to
this essay with the main body paragraphs being divided into problems and
solutions. This leads to the essay being very clear and easy to understand. The
outline statement in the second sentence also aids clarity.
Some cohesive
devices are used such as ‘To conclude’ and ‘For example’ but these are kept to
a minimum and the author does not over rely on them.
The main body
paragraphs are also very coherent and cohesive because they make their main
point clear in the first sentence and then expand on these points with
explanations and examples.
Lexical Resource
The candidate
uses a very wide range of vocabulary both accurately and appropriately to
convey precise meaning. There are no mistakes in this area.
The question
is paraphrased excellently in the first sentence. Paraphrasing is also used too
good effect in the conclusion.
There are also
a wide range of synonyms for key words like bin (receptacle, disposal
facilities) and litter (rubbish, waste, refuse, plastic bags). More uncommon
words, such as adjacent, unsightly, unhygienic, swamped and filth are used
skilfully to convey meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
All sentences
are free from errors.
Although there
are some simple sentences, most sentences are complex. A wide range of
grammatical structures are used accurately and appropriately.
I hope you
found this useful. If you did, please share.
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